Month: April 2024

The book of Ecclesiastes records thoughts of King Solomon at the end of his long reign and long life. It is a reflection of all he has learned and is quite the contrast of how he started his reign in his thinking and in the “conclusion of the matter.” If you have not read it, I highly recommend you do. There is quite a bit of wisdom found in his words. One of his ongoing phrases is “there is nothing new under the sun.” This is quite true. Human nature does not seem to change. The same sins that plagued of old are still plaguing societies today.

There is only one cure for all of these sinful thoughts or habits or natures that can be destructive in so many ways. We have to focus on something greater than ourselves. Our society of plenty has taught us in a carnal sense that we can have all we desire. This is what leads to envy, jealousy, strife and in some cases murder. It is what dulls our minds and makes us contentious and greedy. Not very nice traits to have. If you find yourself rumenating on some of these thoughts, surrender to Christ. Cast those arguments aside and choose to love God more. Be courageous in your independence from your own self ambitions. We are all subject to it because as Solomon wrote all those centures ago, there truly is nothing new under the sun.

Be encouraged for the Lord thy God is with you wherever you go. I love those words. I meditated on them and several other scriptures that spoke of God’s promises while going through the entire cancer experience. I knew then as I know now that the only way I would have victory against cancer was through God’s mercy which scripture records is new every morning. That is another amazing promise.

Our walk with Christ can be difficult for many reasons. One of which is not understanding what we are asking for and committing to. I worry that myself in the past and many today look at God as some type of santa claus who gives us what we want or what we perceive will make us happy. We don’t concern ourselves with what makes God happy because it is all about us. We in essence use His love or what we see as His love. This type of narcissitic attitude does not carry us to the narrow gate but keeps us on the broad path. If you don’t know God, get to know Him. Desire to please Him. Surrender to Him. Don’t choose to follow Him when times are great in your life and flee Him when things turn bad and you lose “all faith.” My argument would be that you never had true faith to begin with.

I am always humbled when the Lord shows another kindness to me. Monday I had my usual 4 month scan. My situation is not necessarily an enviable one. The type of cancer I had is the kind that is aggressive and typically comes back though usually in one tumor at a time. The scan from Monday showed no recurrent disease! I have cleared over two years since the last tumor began growing back. Recall that both lungs were filled with hundreds of tumors. Chemo was used to kill all of these tumors. If one small part survives, it has the opportunity to grow back and wreck havoc.

Not only did I receive the joyous news that there is still no regrowth of cancer, my doctor decided to graduate me an additional month. My next scan will be in 5 months instead of 4. That is huge for this type of cancer. I am humbled and grateful and there are not words to describe the grace that has been given to me. What is exciting to share with you is that same grace can be extended to all of you. God is merciful and I give Him all the glory. Trust Him. Walk with Him. Trust your very existence to Him and not for the things of this world but for the glory of the things to come!

Scans come around for me every 4 months. My abdomen graduated many years ago but my lungs experienced two tumors regrowing, one in 2019 and the other in 2021. That is not unusual for the type of cancer I have. Both tumors were surgicially removed in their respective years. Today is that day for the next scan. One of the most difficult aspects of a scan for me besides the starvation period prior is the color contrast dye. Today it is required and I am allergic to it. I have to take steriods and around the clock Benadryl. I confess to all reading this blog that it is no fun.

Often we have to go through things we wish we didn’t, even simple things like a CT scan with color contrast. I suppose that is what keeps life from being boring although I have come to understand the blessings of “boring.” Thank you for your prayers for me. I never take these things for granted. Lord make each of us courageous as we go and do what we have to do.

Currently I am in the book of Proverbs for my daily Bible readings. There is so much wisdom and practical teaching held within those words especially the three verses that deal with a nagging wife. One reference states that a nagging wife is like “drip drip drip” from a leaky faucet. I paraphrased that just a tad but you get the idea. So much speaks to our lives and our character that we really don’t pay any attention to unless it is pointed out to us.

That is like daily life. So much we often don’t pay any attention to until some event grabs our attention. For me reality set in with Zach’s diagnosis. Then came his earthly death at the age of 17. Then came my own diagnosis. It’s kind of sad to me that it takes something traumatic in our lives to get our attention and remind us of what is truly important. There are so many things out of our control but maintaining a relationship with Christ and trust Him in all things is a great place to exercise control. I will be doing just that on Monday. I have my quarterly scan. For those of us with a cancer past, these scans are very important. Depending on what is found they have the potential to majorly change our schedule. Another lesson. Another reminder of what is truly important in this life.

The contrast of it all. Over the last 8 days, I have been stunned by the number of deaths in my community of women that I knew who are not what I consider to be elderly. There have been four deaths, one was from dementia and two from cancer and the fourth I do not know the cause. The fourth was the youngest of these women, 10 years younger than I am. This Saturday I will be attending a baby shower for a first time mother. A week from Saturday I will be attending a second baby shower also for a first time mother. The contrast really struck me this morning. For four, their journey on this earth ended. Where their souls departed to, I do not know. That is the saddest and most frightening statement I am writing this morning. In the same time frame, a celebration of new life and so the cycle continues.

The most important decision we can make on this side of eternity is the one to trust and follow Christ. The greatest testimony that can be given at our funeral is the one that states this is a person who loved God and trusted Christ more than this world and all it had to offer. The greatest compassion ever shown was by our heavenly Father who gave His only son to take our sins on Himself at the cross. Such compassion. Such mercy. Don’t let that gift evade you because you choose this world. There is another world coming. Choose wisely.

Yesterday I found myself reflecting on the year 2011. That was the year Zach was diagnosed with stage 4 Ewings’ Sarcoma. The song “What Faith Can Do” was released that same year. Something in that song struck a chord within me. I desperately needed to hold onto God for the ride. We had entered unchartered waters. We had family diagnosed with cancer but not a family member so close in our hearts and with such a terrible diagnosis. There were many times I would jump on my outside trampoline to relieve stress and the lyrics of that song would go through my mind over and over.

In reflection as I enter this time of year, I think about Zach more and that painful yet in many ways blessful of a year. It was in May that we discovered Zach’s diagnosis and it would be in May the following year that we would have to let go. Zach’s 17 years is a reminder to all of us the fragility of this life. It is also a reminder of what is truly important. I can think of nothing else more urgent then for each person who has not submitted to Christ to do so. To live each day to His glory. To choose Him above self. To literally die to self and choose life in Christ.

Life is full of challenges. Some of these challenges we enjoy while others we dread and wish had never happened. I still remember the anguish in my son Zach’s voice while he was fighting terminal cancer. He looked at me and said out of frustration, “I just want to go back to normal.” Don’t we all in times like that. It’s at those moments that we appreciate our “boring” lives because that means nothing bad at least is happening.

It is the trying times that help us to grow. That’s often what I think we miss. Many things in this life we have no control over. Zach’s was a rare cancer that he had no control over. Mine I could argue was self imposed with poor eating habits. I was much older. I lived a life on sugar and still battle it to this day. We are all aware of cancers that are tied in to smoking, alcohol, etc. Still a lot of what comes our way, we never saw coming and felt helpless against. To be an overcomer is to face those challenges with the attitude that we can do all things through Christ. Absolutely true. We can face what we must face and do what we must do. What a joy to have such a strength because of the presence and mercy of the Holy Spirit.

I did not post this past Monday. No the eclipse did not knock out my computer though there were those who believed things like that would happen. I and my husband and my sister and her husband were visiting my mom and stepfather. We all had a really good time and afterwards I reflected again on the importance of family. As a mother, it is easy to love my children. As a grandmother, it is even easier to love the little ones. However I was also profoundly aware of how much my siblings, my sister in particular, means to me and adds to my life and of course my mom.

Family is a gift from God. Their are the cement that grounds us when life shakes around us. They encourage us and they often stand with us. They are often used mightily I believe by God to remind us that we are not alone in whatever we are experiencing or going through.

Take a look at your own family. Think of all the ways they have supported you in whatever you are walking through. Some of you may be like me where you have faced the death of a child and a harsh cancer diagnosis. That is a lot to go through. Prayfully you have had a family like I have who has stood strong with you. Remember that such a structure is a gift from God. Embrace them and love them and mostly be grateful for each and every one of them.

One of the things that has really come home to me as I have grown older is that I am super sensitive to caffeine. If I drink too much, even in the early morning time and cease for the remainder of the day, I cannot sleep that night. When I drastically limit how much caffeine I take in, it is amazing how much easier I can fall asleep. My sister pointed out to me in a conversation yesterday how our paternal grandmother was the very same way and our dad to a large degree.

As we age we also become more sensitive in thinking about eternity. As for me and my house, we have already settled that matter and choose to believe the bible is the true and living Word of God. We have chosen to follow and to the best of our abilities, submit to Christ and be obedient to God. That is not an easy thing to do as the flesh wants to rebel in so many areas. I would encourage all of you to choose God first. Submit to His authority. Love Him with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. He is the way, the truth and the light.

I will not be posting on Monday as I will be traveling to a better location to see the eclipse. Blessings to all of you and keep being courageous and trusting in our Lord!